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The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality
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Review
"This is the first substantial book for the nonprofessional to emerge from the small but growing community of individuals who identify themselves as "asexual"—i.e., not sexually attracted to anyone; a portion of the population quoted as being approximately one in 100 people. Decker (contributor, Huffington Post; Salon), who writes in the introduction about her own asexuality, emphasizes that this is an orientation that has to do with feelings, not actions. The author stresses fluidity and inclusiveness: asexuality may change over time; some asexual people enjoy romantic relationships while others have no interest; libido may be high or low; and some are happy in partnered relationships while others enjoy the single life. The language and concepts are clearly modeled on those of the LGBTQ community, with an emphasis on asexuality being a healthy orientation, rather than the result of a mental or physical illness. The final chapter addresses friends and family members of asexual people. —VERDICT This title is an important resource for readers of any age who are struggling to understand their sexual orientation, or those who would like to better understand asexuality." —Library Journal, starred review"This fascinating book will make more space for thoughtful understanding of sexual diversity and desire and help us understand just how variable human sexuality really is. For sex educators, therapists and scholars, it’s a must-read. For asexual people (or the 'A-questioning'), who are so frequently invisibilized and disrespected, it may well offer the kind of succor, support, and information that every person—across the sex, gender, and partnering spectra—deserves." —Carol Queen, PhD, Founding Director, Center for Sex & Culture and author of Real Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex-Positive Culture"I'll admit it: I used to think asexuality was not real. I couldn't wrap my head around the concept—sex is a huge part of my life, so how could it be insignificant to someone else? Boy, was I ignorant! This book is a comprehensive learning tool for those who are asexual, as well as those who are asexual curious. Advocating respect, this rare and precious resource will open your eyes and set the record straight in a clear and straightforward manner. Prepare to have your mind blown!" —Kendra Holliday, creator of The Beautiful Kind blog"The Invisible Orientation demystifies the common misconceptions that asexual people are broken, or that their orientation is the result of sexual abuse or trauma. Warm and thorough, it shines a light on asexuality throughout all stages of life, and acts as a positive guide for navigating successful relationships of all kinds, and with all genders and orientations." — Violet Blue, author of The Smart Girl's Guide to Privacy and editor of the award-winning series Best Women's Erotica"This book shines a much-needed light on an experience that’s far more common than most people realize. Julie Decker brings together the many different voices and stories of asexual people, presents lots of valuable information, and offers helpful insight about how non-asexual people can be supportive. If you or someone you know is or might be asexual, read this book. And if you’re a sexuality or relationship professional, read this book. Asexuality is part of the sexuality spectrum and you need The Invisible Orientation on your shelves." —Charlie Glickman, PhD, certified sexological bodyworker"This is a long overdue book, offering the general purpose introduction to the subject which has heretofore been lacking. It is an essential addition to any academic reading list that encompasses asexuality and should be required reading for any therapists with an interest in sexuality. It provides a sense of what it is like to be asexual that can sometimes be missing from academic work and engages with the literature while nonetheless refusing to be constrained by it. It is also immensely readable, providing an authoritative overview that sign posts the reader who is keen to explore further. I can’t recommend The Invisible Orientation highly enough and hope it has a wide readership. Given how effectively it critiques the myths surrounding asexuality, helping those who are not asexual themselves better understand something that can at first be deeply confusing, it is a book with the potential to make a positive difference to many people’s lives and help combat what the author describes as the 'insidious form of exclusion' which asexual people continue to experience." —Mark Carrigan, Department of Sociology, University of Warwick
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About the Author
Julie Sondra Decker has been a prominent voice for the asexual community since 1998, spreading asexuality awareness through her popular videos and blog essays. She has been interviewed in many mainstream publications, including Marie Claire, Salon, and the Daily Beast, and she was a prominent interviewee in the documentary (A)sexual by Arts Engine. She is a regular contributor to Good Vibrations. Julie is also an SF/fantasy novelist, a webcomic artist, a singer, and an avid reader. As an aromantic asexual woman, She is happily single and resides in Tampa, Florida.
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Product details
Hardcover: 240 pages
Publisher: Carrel Books (September 2, 2014)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1631440020
ISBN-13: 978-1631440021
Product Dimensions:
6 x 1 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.5 out of 5 stars
58 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#112,830 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
This is an invaluable book for learning about asexuality. It's very easy to feel confusion about human sexuality whether it's your own or someone else. It can feel awkward or indecent to discuss openly and so valid differences never really get addressed. This is especially the case if it's an orientation that rarely gets acknowledged to boot.This book introduces the basics of asexuality and is split into six categories outside the introduction: Asexuality 101, Asexual Experiences, The Many Myths of Asexuality, If You're Asexual (or Think You Might Be), If Someone You Know Is Asexual (or Might Be), and Other Resources. It covers a lot of ground without getting too detailed for someone just learning about it. Keep in mind this book assumes that the reader has a basic familiarity with LGBT issues and it isn't afraid to be frank in its discussion about sex. Some information is repeated throughout the book since it's written with the idea that someone will go to whichever chapter bears most relevance to them first, so you don't absolutely have to go from cover to cover.My one minor critique is that I would have liked it to go into even more depth on sex repulsion, sex positivity, what those terms do and don't mean, and just how this can effect an asexual person specifically. Granted, this is supposed to be an introduction and it touches briefly on these subjects, so I don't know how fair a critique about wanting more details out of an introductory book is.I also would have liked more examples of exclusively good elements to being asexual if that makes sense. This is done to some degree with references to asexual characters in media and famous people who identify as asexual, which were welcome additions to see. However, I think it's important to note that the fact that this book addresses the "negative" side to being ace is because disparaging remarks about asexuality or plain old misunderstandings are a genuine thing asexual people face. It's important to bear in mind that The Invisible Orientation goes out of its way to empower an asexual individual no matter what the scenario is and especially the more difficult ones, however. The chapter "Other Resources" also provides some excellent resources to connect with with other asexual people and their allies.I think this book will answer more questions than not and is written in an understanding and compassionate way. Highly recommended for anyone who is struggling with being asexual, someone who knows someone who is struggling with it, and anyone who simply wants to broaden their understanding of these issues. I hope more books on asexuality and asexual experiences will follow both from this author and from others.
Just realized I was an asexual but never knew there was even such a thing. My doctor recommended this book. It has loads of information along with an index of terms, definitions and websites. You will learn a lot from this book if you are asexual, a parent of friend of an ace or just wondering what it is all about.
I am asexual, and when I was first figuring out my orientation, I searched high and low to find a nonfiction title with information a little more authoritative than the random Reddit posts and Wikipedia articles and YouTube videos I found describing my newfound identity. This is pretty much the only book out there. But don't be discouraged! It's a good first primer for anyone new to asexuality, whether they identify that way or know someone else who does. It covers the basics but also talks about more of the details for those who are interested in more. It answers questions. It provides resources. It has a TOC and an index, and it includes notes and references to scientific studies when applicable. And it's written by someone who self-identifies as asexual, so that's also a point in its favor.I'm a leader for an asexual group, and I come across many people who are new to asexuality either because they're still figuring out their own orientation or because they're outside the ace community but they've heard about asexuality and need more and better information about it. This is the book I recommend to all of them.
Interesting premise and the author is clearly knowledgeable about the subject. That said, this book needs an editor. I felt like it was too long and kept up with examples and commentary when the main point had been made repeatedly. If you don't like classifying people you will get confused and the very granular level at which this describes people's orientations.This is important work and I hope Ms. Decker continues to write on the subject as this orientation becomes more understood.
I used to introduce myself, when someone inquired, whichwas not often as "Bisexual by nature, Asexual by choice, becuse, although in my youth I had experimented with the various possibilities, I'm currently in my late 50's and never had on orgasm. This book is teaching me that it ISN'T something to hide away, it's just how I am. (I am also convinced that my late father passed this one down to me, along with several other genetic traits.) But that's okay, it's all me, and maybe, just maybe, I' m not needing to fix it. I really like that idea.
I think I’m going to have to make this one mandatory reading for the important people in my life. Despite some repetition, particularly through the section on the asexual community’s experience trying to integrate into existing queer spaces, it’s still pretty comprehensive in its discussion of what asexuality is and how allies can support people with that identity.
This book was very informational for someone like myself seeking guidance on being in a relationship with someone asexual. People dismiss this and say it doesn't exist; but, believe me, it does. I was able to identify with a lot of it and I'm grateful the book was such an easy read.
This was a great intro to asexuality, what it is, its relation to the LGBTQ community, and most importantly, the way asexual people see themselves and how others see them. Its important to realize asexuality is just that, a sexuality just as valid as any other and this book is excellent at making this point.
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